Welcome to Clown World – Part 1

Hi there. Welcome to Clown World! We used to call this place Earth, but white supremacists ruined that term for us because they are like, literally everywhere. Actually, Hitler himself was the president of the United States for four whole years. Thank the spaghetti monster that some brave people finally stood up to rig the election so that no matter who voted for him, he would illegally be kept from office. Such heroes!

In Clown World, nothing is as it seems upon first glance. You should always remember that no matter how morbidly obese a person is, or how soon they might die because of this, they are healthy and beautiful. And never just guess a person’s gender based on how the look, sound, or act. I know of several extremely well muscled men who are actually women, and even go on to dominate women’s sports because they’re really good at being women. And before you ask, no, biology has nothing to do with it. There are no biological traits that can show with certainty another person’s gender or sex or sexual preference or anything else for that matter.

Actually, be careful about calling them a “person,” too, because many people are actually animals. Just like many adults are really small children. Remember, nothing is as it seems!

Here in Clown World we absolutely hate speech, because all speech is hate speech, especially if someone is saying words. Hate speech is basically murder, and we HATE murder, unless it’s the murder of pre-born babies. We’re more than happy to dismantle their tiny bodies… It’s not as if we’re incurring the wrath of God or anything… jeez.

It’s not just babies that we dismantle though, it’s also the patriarchy. Specifically the white male patriarchy, because reasons. We also fight super duper hard every single day to take down white privilege. White privilege and the patriarchy are basically rape, especially of indigenous peoples. Every white person alive in Clown World is raping indigenous people every single moment of every day with their presence and their lives and the existence. They are basically worse than global warming. In fact, I’m sure they’re the cause of it. And all the other bad stuff in the world. How dare they EXIST!?

Oh and don’t get me started on Christians. They are pretty much the devil. Which is weird considering that the devil is, like, their enemy or something. Maybe they just hate themselves? Boom, Christianity dismantled. I’m so smart. I’m probably the smartest clown in world. Yeah I said that right.

In college, I wrote a paper on Christianity and decided that basically anything they say is bad and we should all do the opposite of that because we will never have to pay for it. The universe made us, and as long as we give good vibes or whatever, we’re fine. Anyway, that’s why I encourage every lady to be a slut. #EveryLadyShouldBeASlut

I just made a hashtag! I’m so accomplished!

And by “lady,” I mean pretty much anyone. #AnyoneShouldBeASlut

That way, not only are my statements and beliefs morally bankrupt, but they also have lost all meaning because if anyone is a slut, everyone is a slut, and then no one is a slut. Which means… something.

In Clown World, the best religion is that one in the desert where they all where the cloth things on their heads. They are the best because no matter what they do, it’s the right thing to do and is also the opposite of what they did. They kill gays and women and genitally mutilate everyone, which means, of course, that they don’t do any of that and they are the most gay and woman and everyone friendly religion in Clown World.

Before I go, remember, nothing is as it seems. Don’t trust your eyes or ears or whatever else. Only trust the mainstream media. And me. I won’t steer you wrong.

Welcome to Clown World! Make sure you wear twelve masks simultaneously while you’re here!!

That was kind of hard to write, because I was pulling from things I’ve heard people say in real life. If you believe any of the above things, please know that this is how rational people see you. You look ridiculous. Stop it. Get help.

Also, if you’re a man I wrote a book for you. Check it out here:

Toxic: A Book for Men

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